“Domestic abuse occurs because some men just lose control”

REALITY:  Abusive men actually exercise a lot of control. They are seldom abusive in front of other adults. They often deliberately avoid marking their partner’s face or other visible areas. They manage to control who they abuse – it’s their partners, not their friends, workmates or boss.

"She must deserve it or provoke it."

REALITY: There is no justification for using violence, unless your life is in danger. No-one deserves to be abused, and there is always an alternative, no matter how angry you are.

"It's all caused by drink."

REALITY: Some people only abuse their partners when they have been drinking, but some only do it when they are sober, and some do it drunk or sober. Drink can provide an easy excuse, but is more of a trigger than a root cause of abuse.

"It only happens in problem families."

REALITY: Abusers can come from all walks of life, all ethnic backgrounds and all ages. There is no typical abuser, and no typical abused woman. Women's Aid has helped women whose partners were doctors, social workers, ministers, solicitors, psychiatrists. Most of the women who come to Women's Aid for help have no problems in their lives other than those caused by their partner's abuse. Once they have escaped from the abuse, most women are as capable of leading a normal life as anyone.

"Those who abuse were abused themselves as children."

REALITY: There is no evidence that there is a 'cycle of violence', whereby children who were abused, or who witnessed abuse, go on to become abusers themselves. Many abusers come from families with no history of abuse. Many have brothers who are not abusive. Children who witness abuse do not automatically grow up to be abusive towards their partners, many completely reject the use of abusive behaviour as a result of their experiences.

"It's just the odd domestic tiff. Everybody has arguments."

REALITY: The difference between the occasional argument, which all couples have, and domestic abuse is that the latter is quite deliberate behaviour which is used by men to exert power and control over their women partners. A range of different types of controlling behaviours are used, from depriving her of money or sleep, criticising her appearance, telling her who she can be friendly with, locking her in the house, hitting her, pulling her hair, hitting her with weapons, raping her, threatening to kill her and her children.